Today is the kind of day where I wish Houdini were a bit older. If he were, I could come up to him and say: "Hey, I'm sorry we had such a rough start. This afternoon we'll make up for it, and until then I just want you to know that I love you very much." Alas, Houdini is only two, and not only would he not get all of this, but I am pretty sure he has already forgotten this morning; for me it is not so easy.
The day started with a 5:30 am waking time (far too early), followed by some frustration on his part because I would not do what he wanted when he wanted. Then in the time it took me to use the bathroom he had put mascara, waterproof mascara, all over his hands after being told he is not allowed to use it. While I got dressed he managed to open a bottle of baby oil and dump it on a Persian rug, that once washed revealed a huge hole (I am guessing the oil loosened the fibers of this old rug and they ripped as they were being washed). Breakfast was a disappointment for him, since for the first time in weeks there was actually not enough sausage, and none defrosted to make more for him. He then proceeded to cry his little eyes out while I wiped his seemingly permanent runny nose and resulting snot off his little face, applied sun screen on his slightly burnt skin (apparently insufficient amounts were applied yesterday) and dressed him. The capper was his total dismay and sadness at having to go to school/daycare.
For me it was one battle after another, with moments of true frustration and anger, but not so for him. By the time we got into the car he was chipper, happy, ran gleefully into daycare and gave me enough hugs and kisses to last me the day. In his little mind the morning events were either forgotten, or no more consequential than any other day. In my grown-up mind I feel like an opportunity for love and bonding was lost over silly fights, preventable incidents and frustration brought on by having to rush to get ready for work.
I realize in the big scheme of things that this is not a big deal, that neither he nor I will carry the memory of this morning to our graves. I cannot help, however feeling sad that our day started this way. This is a feeling repeated every time such events take place, and although I do not relish this distress, I do not wish to ever get to a place in our relationship where I either accept such moments or am unaffected by our negative interactions.
So little Houdini, although you will not get this, I am sorry we got to such a bad start. I hope you have a wonderful day, and I can't wait to see and play with you tonight.
Love,
Your mother
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