The "Aha!" moment

Do over

Today is the kind of day where I wish Houdini were a bit older. If he were, I could come up to him and say: "Hey, I'm sorry we had such a rough start. This afternoon we'll make up for it, and until then I just want you to know that I love you very much." Alas, Houdini is only two, and not only would he not get all of this, but I am pretty sure he has already forgotten this morning; for me it is not so easy.

The day started with a 5:30 am waking time (far too early), followed by some frustration on his part because I would not do what he wanted when he wanted. Then in the time it took me to use the bathroom he had put mascara, waterproof mascara, all over his hands after being told he is not allowed to use it. While I got dressed he managed to open a bottle of baby oil and dump it on a Persian rug, that once washed revealed a huge hole (I am guessing the oil loosened the fibers of this old rug and they ripped as they were being washed). Breakfast was a disappointment for him, since for the first time in weeks there was actually not enough sausage, and none defrosted to make more for him. He then proceeded to cry his little eyes out while I wiped his seemingly permanent runny nose and resulting snot off his little face, applied sun screen on his slightly burnt skin (apparently insufficient amounts were applied yesterday) and dressed him. The capper was his total dismay and sadness at having to go to school/daycare.

For me it was one battle after another, with moments of true frustration and anger, but not so for him. By the time we got into the car he was chipper, happy, ran gleefully into daycare and gave me enough hugs and kisses to last me the day. In his little mind the morning events were either forgotten, or no more consequential than any other day. In my grown-up mind I feel like an opportunity for love and bonding was lost over silly fights, preventable incidents and frustration brought on by having to rush to get ready for work.

I realize in the big scheme of things that this is not a big deal, that neither he nor I will carry the memory of this morning to our graves. I cannot help, however feeling sad that our day started this way. This is a feeling repeated every time such events take place, and although I do not relish this distress, I do not wish to ever get to a place in our relationship where I either accept such moments or am unaffected by our negative interactions.

So little Houdini, although you will not get this, I am sorry we got to such a bad start. I hope you have a wonderful day, and I can't wait to see and play with you tonight.

Love,

Your mother

Kids and food

I was just catching up on Everyday Paleo and Sarah Fargoso had a post about feeding kids paelo foods. She makes a very good and important point in this post, something I have recently shared during a Paleo seminar I contributed to at CrossFit Elysium and it is this: children are naturally programmed (from birth) to make healthy choices. If given options to eat healthier foods, children will not starve themselves waiting for starchy cereals, french fries and unnaturally colored processed meals. They will eat vegetables and meats, fish and fruit, and they will naturally regulate to their bodies' needs (i.e. meet growth and caloric needs appropriately).

Our programing goes haywire because of our capacity to be omnivores; because we can eat anything, we are presented with too great a choice and over time we will meet the needs that satisfy our pleasure centers first. Remember that our pleasure centers are relatively primitive parts of our brains. They are still operating as though carbs, and sugars are very rare and something that should be consumed should one come across them (think of the boone that a ripe fruit presents to a hunter gatherer who has to cover much distance and  has to make great efforts to secure his next meal). So when our brains see that we can access such sugars they tell us to go for them, and to go with abandon.

Now consider that last piece of biological information, and think of how unfairly we and especially our children are targeted by the food industry, and how that targeting is then reinforced at home. Food aimed at kids is colorful, fun shaped, has mascots that invite you to join in the fun of partaking in it, and beyond that millions of dollars are spent engineering meals that will trigger those pleasure centers like no other (post to follow on sugar, the brain and addiction type responses). Lets add to that, that parents, who face the difficult task of feeding their children after a day of other chores (be it an out-of-home or an in-home job) reinforce the notion that this food is more palatable by making special meals for their kids and bribing them with these foods.

The truth is that if you give your child no other option than to eat a healthy balanced meal, they will, over time give in. Children will not starve themselves. They may go hungry for a while, but an emotionally/physically healthy child will not go to the point of failing to thrive. If you are making a transition to healthier foods what you will discover is that initially your child will be grumpy, uncooperative and difficult to deal with. They will argue, plead and try to bargain with you, but if the only option they have is the healthy foods you give them they will eventually give in. With time, they will even develop a liking for these foods (remember when you first introduced solids there was a whole period where you were simply teaching your child to acclimate to new textures and tastes, it is the same thing here). What this means for you is more frustrating meal times in the short run, but I have found that if you can sick with giving them the option rather than trying to force them to ingest said option, the battle is a lot less draining and demanding on you.

I have also found that many times it is all about presentation. Here are some examples with Houdini:

• He won't eat eggs right now, unless I first scramble them and then once in the pan I cook them slowly so they resemble a pancake; then he wolfs them down.
• I fed him pâté today, which he would have refused a week ago. He thought I was eating a cookie, so I told him it was a meat cookie, and then not only was I sharing mine with him, but he asked for more.
• Broccoli is too green for him right now (don't underestimate the role texture and visual cues play in food likes and dislikes), but if I mash it with some heavy cream he loves it.
• Serving him steak on his plate is not really successful, but the other day we had duck breasts and then yesterday pork chops and as long as they were on our plates he wanted to eat them.

I understand this is difficult, and it has to be a personal choice each parent makes, not out of guilt, but out of a certitude that they are doing what is right for their kids. Houdini like us eats mostly paleo. He has days like today when his eating is amazing, and other days when we have meltdowns over him wanting rice, cookies, or some other food we have been foolish enough to introduce him to. His biggest slips are daycare food which is horrible (the other day he had pizza at lunch and a PBJ sandwich for snack... they are killing me here), and the occasional 1/2 croissant he shares with me once a week. Overall, though, I know that his eating is well balanced, his health is good, his growth is right on target and he is one strong boy, so we must be doing something right.

Healthy living or something approximating it at the very least

So I realize I have not posted anything in months, and even before that it was all pretty spotty since October 2010. I have nothing to say for this other than I did not feel like using the small amount of spare time I had in front of my computer writing a blog. Having said that, I did think of at least 10-15 different possible topics to write about... but had no motivation to actually write them. 

Today I was walking the dog, Julius, while catching-up on missed podcasts of Paleo Talk and thinking about the transition I have been trying to make over the past year to a healthier lifestyle. This might sound trite, but we are trying to be a healthy household. For us that means: 1) living a balanced life, 2) making healthy nutritional choices, 3) exercising regularly, and 4) living a conscious life.

    Living a balanced life: In my practice as a psychologist there are few things I preach to my patients. Their lives, their choices, their outcomes is the way I see it. I do, however, push them towards practicing balance in their life; balance trying to be productive, taking notice of their environment/moods/needs and trying to respond to them, trying to program some down time, some type of pleasurable activity and some form or exercise (whether it be an actual athletic endeavor or walking the dog around the block). Notince the use of the word "trying"... balance is not always achievable everyday. I encourage taking a more general perspective and understanding that being mindful of lack of balance and trying to correct for slips or skews in our lives when we notice them is the goal here; I cannot honestly say that I am able to achieve my ideal balance every single day, many days feel like they are more weighted on productivity than self care. I would encourage anyone to try keeping a log to see how well they do at maintaining balance in their life, it is a great eye-opener and tool.

    Making healthy nutritional choices: I understand this is not for everyone, but for our family it means eating paleo as regularly as possible. Cutting processed foods, sugars, grains and legumes out of our diet has been challenging at times, but the physical and emotional rewards are well worth it. Practically speaking it means that most of our meals look something like this: protein (lots of it, either meats, fish or shellfish), two vegetables (usually one green, preferably leafy one, and some other colorful kind) and fruit. Ideally the fruits should be limited, which they are not (especially since the beginning of this pregnancy), and we would consume minimal amounts of dairy, which we do not. Eating paleo has probably been the biggest challenge for me; I love my breads and cereals, and my fruit consumption has actually gone up in response to the lack of these starchy food. I also struggle with what to snack on. Lots of paleo practitioners will recommend leftovers and jerky, but that doesn't do it for me.  Although this is the hardest part of healthy living right now, I also think it is one of the more important ones. The benefits that we feel from eating paleo are clear proof of how important nutrition is, and ensuring that our children grow-up healthy and struggling less with their choices than we do is motivation in the harder moments.

    Exercising regularly: Again not for everyone, but for us it is CrossFit. The Rambling Man probably works out five times a week. I average three with my other responsibilities. Houdini runs, jumps and plays outside as much as the weather and his energy permit. I have really grown to love CrossFit for a couple of reasons: initially it was the fitness benefits, but to those I have added the great community and friendships that have grown from it, strength and agility gains I never thought I was capable of, and discovering the ability to compete and pursue personal limits when I had previously always shied away from real competition for fear of failure (I am still working on pushing those personal limits- see post about mental fortitude).

    Living a conscious life: This takes constant practice, but it is simple. Simply remembering that the choices I make, however small, have consequences. Remembering that doing nothing is in and of itself a choice. Remembering to be assertive rather than passive when opportunities present themselves, and trying as best I can not to hold others accountable or responsible for the decisions I make.

Of course this makes me sound so very healthy and balanced, so it is important to remember that these things exist within the context of arguing over putting dirty clothes in the hamper, giving in to a fast food run, choosing to take a day off the gym, and having days when I am a complete curmudgeon, feeling sorry for myself or blaming others for being overwhelmed and tired.

Inspiring or useful sources to accompany me on my journey:

Everyday Paleo

Growing-up Paleo

Balanced Bites

Mark's Daily Apple

Eat Move Thrive

Fuel as Rx

CrossFit Elysium's As Rx'ed